Remember what I said about things not being stale and disorganized forever? Uh, yeah... things really can stay like that. Classes have started. I'm in the cymbal line, not the pit. Boo.. ANyway. College. I don't like it as much as some people, because it's harder to do your own thing than you think, but it's a little less frustrating than living at home. The world just keeps getting smaller. Lava lamps are amazing. I love the one my cousin gave me. It's in my dorm and lava-ing right now. Simple pleasures are the only thing that's getting me through this shit. Ugh..Effort.

Everything Will So Totally Work Out.

Ok, so: I'm still keeping it real at Kroger. Haha. They still haven't paid me. I got a pay advance the second week, but they told me today that they shouldn't have given be that either because the pay check delay was a corporate issue and not the fault of store. I was pretty upset and discouraged today, which never makes work fun, but I've cooled it some since then, and it's ok. I'll get paid eventually. I really hope I don't have to deal with HR (corporate office in Cincinnati) to get on the pay roll. I want my employee Kroger Plus card so I can get 10% off my groceries!!! Haha, yeah..it sucks having a job you like, but not getting paid for it.

My college schedule is not even close to being complete. I have 19 hours if I get into an English class and a PreCal class (both of which are full, so I'm wait listed), but even though it sounds like a lot for a first year-first semester, 4 hours of it are mandatory music lessons for my declared Music minor. Haha. I've declared a minor, but not a major (which will be Biology/Pre-Med as soon as I sign that it's so). I want to CLEP out of English 100 since they're all full anyway, and I want to CLEP out of Computer Applications because even though I don't know jack about computers, I don't care to take a class and waste my time on something that's Gen-Ed and doesn't have anything to do with my major. They won't let me CLEP out of Biology 171 (the equivalent of AP Biology in high school) because they want all the pre-med students to have the lab experience, which I understand, but COME ON. I wish I could just take the lab and not the actual class since they're separate anyway. Geez Morehead...get it together. SO, in short, I can't really say what classes I'll be taking because my real advisor is from the Biology dept. and he probably won't want me to be taking so many music classes and so few (1) science and (0) math classes. I qualified for Calculus barely, but I'm scared of it.

Everything will work out though. Things can't be stale and disorganized forever when atleast SOMEONE cares.

Oh summer.....

Workin' at Kroger. I think I'm going to make a list of things I want to save for in order to maintain my motivation as a "Courtesy Clerk" (bagger/cart pusher).

1. The Adventures of Pete and Pete (season 1 on DVD). Estimated cost: about $20

2. A brown ZUNE 30GB mp3 player. Estimated cost: about $300 

3. Some new music to put on the mp3 player. Estimated cost: $40

4. Clothes

5. Money to help pay for school stuff

6. Art supplies

7. I want a puppy sometimes

8. Should I take a bike to college? How about a moped?

Yeah, I'm running out of ideas, but hey, atleast I can support a new hobby if I want.

Shoo..'m tired.

Going to go to bed and have some fun with Justin tomorrow at UC's senior art show. Haha, that reads funny. Love you guys. Goodnight.

holy moley it's April.

Nick is out of the army for real, for good. Nick and I are "in a relationship". Nick is moving back to Maysville. I never thought I'd see the day, but it looks like it's about here. Let's see how long this lasts... All of it. It seems way too good to be true, but I won't let that possibility rain on my parade. It's hard not to be skeptical sometimes, but even though he's basically the same person, Nick really has changed a lot since last summer. No more stupid drugs, no more stupid girls, and hopefully no more bullshit.

My grades will undoubtedly suffer from this new resident, but I hope that's all. 

I think I'm afraid of everything. I'm afraid of college. I'm afraid of getting stuck here. I'm afraid of my job. I'm afraid of quiting my job. I'm afraid of dating. I'm afraid of being lonely and wasting my life by not dating. I'm afraid of what will happen to me if I keep pursuing Nick and ignoring the other boys who are nicer to me. I'm afraid of dating and what will happen to Nick if I am not constantly calling him and messaging him and trying to help him get things straight. I am afraid of life, and how fragile everything seems to be.

Gosh, I just want to shoot stuff. This no way out kind of thing just makes me want to get a gun, and shoot inanimate objects until something blows up. Guns make me nervous though. Holding one makes me feel crazy. Like I might do something really horrible. I don't like looking at them or holding them, or being around people who are holding them.

Finally sending in my applications and crap was supposed to signify the end of stress, but it did not. I want these next few weeks to be over. I want my auditions to be over and solo and ensemble and everything I've worked all year for. I want it over. I want to quit my job and read a fucking book. Jesus. I want to take all my money and buy books. Medical manuals and classics and all that smart-kid bullshit. Music is my play thing. It is my relief. Why is everyone acting like it's such a big deal to them? Pressuring me. FOr what? A piece of brass and ribbon? The applications are in, I'm going to Morehead State University and I'm going to like it.